Posted this in the what pissing you off thread, don't want to hijack it but I'm in need of some ideas at this point.
This is whats pissing me off:
My neighbors, and if anyone has any tips please let me know.
I let all of their kids play soccer and football on my lawn as well as letting them bring their dogs over. The people who owned my home before me allowed it, I didnâ€™t want to be thought of as a cunt by my neighbors so I let it continue. The only concession that I asked of them is that they pick up their dog's shits. One of these houses has 2 rotweilers (which basically leave human sized shits on my lawn) and the other house has 3 midsized mutts from the pound. Pretty big shitters as well. I've got a dog (border collie) so I'm sympathetic to dog owners. For the first few months everything was ok as I routinely saw them walking around my yard picking up after the dogs.
But It seems like they are watching me pick up my own dog's shit and have decided that they don't need to pick up their's bc, well fuck it I'm out there doing it anyways I may as well get theirs while I'm at it. Theres a sort of social class discrimination going on as well seeing as the 2 properties that back onto mine are owned by affluent older families (parents in the 50's). I'm a single home owner. They seem to believe that bc they paid more for their homes than their neighbors then they literally have the right to shit on their lawns.
I've repeatedly asked both families to pick up their shit and after I do they are good about it for a few days, but then they just say fuck it again. Everytime I bring it up they try and laugh it off like leaving piles of shit on your neighbors property is even funnier than bob fucking sagget.
About a month ago early on a sunday morning I stepped in a big shit while playing with my dog and lost it. Sandals, shit on my toes, hungover, yuck.
I stomped back to the garage, hosed my feet off, smoked a joint then declared war. I went around my yard with a shovel picking up shit piles and put them on both of their decks. I couldn't be sure of who's shit i had slipped in. I thought middle of the deck was too obvious, so I threw little heaps in front of their patio doors and on their top steps thinking that these were the two most likely places for someone to squish their toes in it. I waited for a response or at least a cessation of them leaving shit on my lawn.
Fucking nothing, neither neighbor mentioned the piles of dogshit on their decks and neither one started picking up their fucking mutt's shits.
Next sunday I'm making coffee and I watch their rotweiler empty itself on my lawn. I don't watch anyone pick it up, negiligent cock suckers. I'm fuming. That dog weighs as much as a chinese husband and wife and it just shit all over my lawn. Awesome. Head back to the garage for a few bowls while I stew over this outrage and ponder my next move. While smoking I watched some of the benson edgar event; fucking shields and herman killed my mood for fights, but that was ok bc I was high and due for breakfast.
I opened my fridge and no eggs. I've got a pound of bacon and some fresh tomatoes, the clouds part and jesus whispers BLT in my ear. Its on.
While cooking the entire pound of bacon a light bulb burst to life over my head. Bacon makes everything delicious. Everything. You could probably put bacon on shit and make it taste delicious....I've got shit all over my lawn that I'm sick of picking up. I've got a chunky soup can here full of bacon grease.....
I took the can of bacon grease and dribbled some of it over every single piece of dogshit that I could find on my lawn. I spent the rest of the day on my deck appearing to read but really just watching and laughing as the offending dogs came over and ate all of their shit off of my lawn.
For 2 weeks they've been eating their own bacon flavoured shit off my lawn, but I'm getting sick of having to go out there and drip grease on their shit.
Neighbors will not scoop it up. I'm not going to build a fence around my yard to block them out, there's no park or anything near by for the other kids in the neighborhood to play soccer or tag in and I'm far too young (28)to be thought of as the grumpy old man inthe neighborhood.
WTF do I do at this point?!?!?!